Shit presidential candidates don't say

“I mean, we did kind of steal Texas from the Mexicans.”

“I’ve never been so hung over in my life.”

“No thanks, I’ve raised enough money.”

“We’ve sort of got an open-relationship thing going.”

“9/11 was an inside job.”

“Patriarchy.”

“I’m just not sure I believe in God.”

“Yeah, Big Pharma pretty much wrote that bill for me.”

“You shoulda seen the size of the dump I just took.”